This is a truly special episode. Minhdzuy and Amber JUST BROKE UP after 2 ½ years together. (They broke up six days before this recording.) Their relationship did not end with a fight, but with a realization that they had grown out of it. They share a unique perspective on breaking up while still playing a part in each other’s day-to-day lives while they work on finding new places to live, life outside the relationship, ect. Julia chats with them about spirituality, a beautiful metaphor about puzzle pieces, and a less beautiful but no less true metaphor about dirty bath water. Can your relationship and career blossom at the same time? How does the fear of what you might lose in a breakup contribute to your commitment to staying together? At the end of the day, relationships are hard and take a lot of effort. Even though breaking up might not have been the easy route for Minhdzuy and Amber, it was the step they each needed to take to move forward.
Katie and Matt have been dating for TEN MONTHS! They met doing sketch comedy in Los Angeles but really connected at a meetup for a Facebook group comprised of “sad freelance comedians who need an excuse to get out of the house(!!!)”. Julia chats with them about how important it is to know your partner’s “endgame” – even if that endgame doesn’t include you yet – and how their different backgrounds (his parents are the model of a long-standing healthy relationship while she’s an only child whose parents divorced when she was two years old) play into their expectations of one another. The conflict that they’ve dealt with concerns communication – basically, not knowing if you’re “official enough” to bring something up when it bothers you – and money – they have different goals for their professional lives and that has led to some ruffled feathers from time to time. Since they’ve been doing the long-distance thing for the bulk of their relationship, the time they do spend together is usually really special and they try to not take it for granted...but there’s nothing wrong with lounging around on the couch all day every once in awhile!
Callbacks and Show Notes:
Jonathan and Natalie’s episode will be released in early September.
Katie’s episode of Under Her Eye: http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/episode-10-the-worst-shopping-partner-ever/
Emily and Jeff are long distance relationship survivors - they spent 3 of their 4 years together apart! They met in college where Jeff DID NOT catcall her to join his choir group. They deliberate as to whether Pikachu are really the “best” Pokémon or just the favorite for people who aren’t true Pokémon fans...JUICY! Over the years, they have learned the importance of communication, and especially being upfront with how you feel. Julia chats with them about one of their primary conflicts, which centers around the time that they spend with each other asking things of each other that go beyond their partner’s comfort zone. This conflict has taught them that sometimes you’ll never resolve differences in a relationship, but you have to learn how to deal with them. Emily has learned to be more confident in expressing disagreement in the relationship, and Jeff has learned to be more flexible and accommodating.
Rian & Grace (Wonder Woman)
Stephen and Alyse (Theory of Reasonable Doubt)
Quinn and Caro have been dating for THREE YEARS AND NINE MONTHS. After meeting playing husband and wife at Murry's Dinner Playhouse (seriously) in Arkansas, the two discovered they had just as much chemistry offstage as on. At first Caro was guarded and unready to open up to a relationship with Quinn, but eventually learned that she was falling just as much for him as he was for her. Both have learned to be aware of each other’s sensitivity and the difficulty of wearing so many hats in the relationship. We learn about the importance of cancellation etiquette (don’t tell us when you cancel, it’ll just bum us out!) and also, always give flowers. Never DON’T give flowers. Why wouldn’t you?
Nina and Kyle have been dating for THREE AND A HALF years and living together for most of that time! They met through improv, but really, Nina just crashed Kyle’s birthday party with Lyndsey (“The Juice,” May 2016) and Kyle was a little salty about it! Eventually, Nina slid into his snapchats and the rest is history. One of their ongoing discussions centers around one of them not waiting for the other before binge-watching a TV show that they have started together. They also discuss how so much of working on your relationship has to do with working on yourself (à la Justin and Eisley’s episode, “The Marriage Map,” February 2016) and how important personal growth – career- or mental health-wise – is to the durability of a romantic partnership. Since they’ve been living together, their relationship has taken on a few different forms: most recently, they’ve started working out together which has been not only fun and exciting, but also a huge confidence-builder for both Nina and Kyle!
Lyndsey & Nick (“The Juice,” May 2016) http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/the-juice-lyndsey-nick
Justin & Isley (“The Marriage Map,” February 2017) http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/the-marriage-map-justin-isley/
Rian and Grace are NEWLYWEDS and an OkCupid success story! They fight about the appropriate time to tell your partner your real opinion about something that’s important them, and giving your partner the freedom to be mad at you without taking it personally. Since they’ve been married, Rian has had to learn that Grace is allowed to have feelings and that he can’t expect to fix things right away. We talk about how much our friends and family – especially people we look up to as “role models” – influence the adults and spouses we become, the importance of owning up to your anxieties and standing up for what (and who) you believe in. Now that Grace and Rian are thinking about having a child, they also disagree about when to have the baby and about who will be the stay-at-home parent when the time comes. Both of them love what they do – Grace is a producer and Rian is a comedian – but they want to be realistic when looking into the future together. This episode is heartwarming, funny, and, if you ask me, HIGHLY relatable. Enjoy!
Jess and Elena (Turbo Down, April 2017) - http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/turbo-down-jess-elena/
Cody and Sarah are NOT daters! Still, they’re together and have been for 10 +/- 2 months (depending on who you ask)! Sarah moved in with Cody two months ago and they fight about how much space each other’s stuff takes up in the apartment–and the relevance of that stuff in their lives. Sarah desperately wants a dog but Cody doesn’t seem to be budging anytime soon. We discuss dealing with your significant other’s quirks that can invade your own space and your idea of who you are, as well as the ‘rules’ they have for keeping their time together as phone-free as possible and why it’s important to “go to bed friends.” Both Cody and Sarah value their independence, which required a bit of adjustment in the beginning, but the future looks BRIGHT for these two! This episode is chock-full of great date ideas, funny one-liners, and Great British positivity! Enjoy! Allison & Jimmy (Ghost, Dec. 2016) http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/ghost-allison-jimmy/
Welcome to Part 2 of Ptolemy and Shelly, buckle your seatbelts! In Part 2, we discuss the challenges of staying connected to your partner after having a child, as well as how to move past the darkest times in a relationship, whether or not it’s strictly necessary to totally let go of resentments, and the importance of having a physical space that is comfortable and safe for both people. We also discuss what movies and TV shows approach capturing what it’s like to be in a happy relationship that requires work.
It’s Honey’s first two part episode, and that’s because this episode is FULL OF JUICE and you can’t have too much juice in one sitting, your tummy will hurt. Ptolemy and Shelly and have been married for 9 years. They met at the Fringe Festival in Edinborough and Ptolemy saw her and thought, “That is someone that I should marry.” We talk about the dangers of comparing your own real relationship to relationship archetypes from movies, and how these two survived Ptolemy’s intense territorial jealousy. The big theme of this episode is accommodating your partner, and how when you have to change yourself for your relationship, it actually feels like you’re going to die. Part Two will cover “the darkest time” in Ptolemy and Shelly’s relationship, but you’ll have to listen to find out what it is. This is a cliffhanger. Goodbye!
The internet is crazy and you can I guess read all of Jean Beaudrillard’s The Conspiracy of Art here: https://kirkbrideplan.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/jean-baudrillard-the-conspiracy-of-art.pdf
It’s Honey’s 50th episode! Julia catches up with Danny and Emily (The Things That Happen Between Meals), Mike and Ashley (Emotionally Opposed), and the crazy kids who started it all, Sarah and Adam (Most Definitely). Since recording, Danny and Emily have gotten MARRIED and PREGNANT! And they fight about Danny making jokes about this intense time. Since recording, Mike and Ashley have gotten PREGNANT! They have insane story about the worst OBGYN in Los Angeles if not the world! Since recording, Sarah and Adam have MOVED IN TOGETHER! We talk about the “wait but are you a feminist?!” fight, cross-town relationships, and Amanda Knox.
Zach and Mimi are married people! Mimi is from Japan and Zach is from the US. Zach put the moves on Mimi at a bar almost fifteen years ago and then they went on a VERY awkward first date that could have ended it all. While Zach’s driving can be a “little bit aggressive,” their style of argument is anything but! When they dated long distance for two years, Mimi’s grandfather and great aunt tried to set her up in an arranged marriage of sorts...behind Zach’s back. Listen to this episode to learn how Zach finally gained–and continues to gain–the approval of Mimi’s grandfather. We cover the difficulties of communicating frustration through a language barrier, the reason why it is always better to get sick in Japan if you know someone who speaks the language, and how important it is to be able to appreciate someone else’s culture AND your own. These are two sweet, sweet people who met each other and, despite challenges, decided to make it work.
Tara and Andrew are MARRIED PEOPLE! With a CHILD! They have a three-year-old daughter, they’ve been married for almost seven years, and together for thirteen years. They are very different people – an introvert and an extrovert, a performer and a writer, talkative and quiet. We talk a lot about tag team parenting, and how becoming parents has affected each of them individually more than it has affected their relationship. They also have a very, very good meet cute. Also you will learn who my celebrity crush is.
Joel and Melissa are married people who have been together for a long ass time! They were long distance for four years, and they broke up for one month, which was not a happy time. We cover dealing with depression in a relationship, long-distance relationship struggles, micromanaging your partner in the kitchen, how to avoid salmonella poisoning, an epic Ikea disaster, which plays never need to be produced again and why biopics about rich white dudes probably don’t need to happen either.
Stephen and Alyse are engaged and they like to fight so I love them! He proposed at 2am on the Vegas strip, romantic! They have gotten into a few fights about planning their wedding, and Alyse has a general posture of “I know that I’m right,” so that makes for some pyrotechnics fight-wise. But the real crowning glory of this episode is Stephen’s Theory of Acceptable Levels of Doubt, which is simultaneously very smart and logical and COMPLETELY INSANE. Wondering if the relationship you’re in is the one forever? Listen to the end and apply the theory. Then we develop the What’s On Your Crest Theory of Compatibility, which is also extremely useful. We all also decide what we would die for if it came to that. Also we talk about who we would kill. Fun! Guys, remember, don’t marry someone you wouldn’t want as a combat partner in the nuclear apocalypse. P.S. They do end up watching The Handmaid’s Tale together.
Sarah and Billy are engaged people! They’ve been together for 7 ½ years, engaged for 2 – the fight they tell me about is my favorite kind: crying, screaming, throwing things! They met at a NASCAR race. That is real life. We talk about the benefits of buying flowers, the challenges of both working from home in a small apartment, and what to do when you make an oopsies and have to come back to your significant other with your tail between your legs.
Sterling and Olivia are engaged people! Olivia applied consistent pressure for about a year to make Sterling propose to her, and it worked! Their central conflict is about how much time they spend with Olivia’s family, who lives locally. Sterling is very stubborn, which works out because Olivia is very persuasive, so Olivia can unleash the full force of her energy on Sterling and he will resist, and still be himself. Tune in for a discussion of how the different dynamics of families of origin can impact a relationship, Sterling’s preferred coffee vendors, and why you’ll want to be married to a Crossfit instructor when the apocalypse hits (any day now).
Deborah and Alex have been together for nine years, lived together for six years, and have been married for a year and half. They don’t fight, but they are very different! We talk about how they accommodate each other’s differences, and how they have each changed in their relationship. Many interesting aspects of their relationship are reflected through how they take care of their sweet dog Scout, so we talk about Scout a lot; and we also get into board games, when it’s okay to laugh at someone who fell down, and what actually comprises good communication – it’s not necessarily similar communication and it’s not necessarily words.
Nick and Danielle have been together for four years, and this is their second time dating. They met while they were students studying abroad in London, broke up when they moved to different places, and got back together a couple of years later. Their fight now is about whether or not to move in together – Nick wants to, Dani does not. Also we discuss how “the ball’s in your court” is not a good metaphor – are you not on the same court? Are you not even playing basketball or tennis together? How is nobody talking about this?!?!
Jim and Jeanne have been married for almost 45 years – they met in the bar by the hospital, where Jim hung out because he liked to date nurses, and he tripped Jeanne and the rest is history! Their conflict comes from both being the oldest child, and therefore both wanting to be in control, but over the course of their marriage they’ve realized that they can both be the boss. Getting through Jim’s cancer together taught them to enjoy life and not sweat the small stuff. P.S. I will gently discipline other people’s dogs, I don’t even care! Also at one point a poltergeist interrupts the interview by turning on the TV. Jim and Jeanne are Kim’s parents! Listen to her episode here.
What happens when a long-time Sarah Paulson fan meets a woman who looks just like Sarah Paulson on OKCupid? They fall deeply in love, that’s what! Jess and Elena are engaged, and they fight about the religious upbringing of the baby they’re never going to have, Jessica’s oversharing about stuff she bought and loves, and… money. Jess has always been thrifty, and Elena is now out of debt, and addressing their own issues with money has helped both of them grow in this relationship. Visit Honey on Facebook to see lots of cute stuff, including Jess’s Sarah Paulson doppelganger picture and their engagement video!
Craig and Dahlya are exes! They met on Bumble, dated for ten months and broke up about four months ago. They didn’t really fight, but they did break up, and we find out exactly why. Julia was so excited to talk to exes but it actually makes her brain short-circuit because she’s so used to talking to couples who are in it to win it. How does the knowledge that a relationship is going to end affect how you deal with its problems? We also talk about when one person in the relationship is feeling successful and happy and the other person... is not. It's hard!
Nick and Muriel are MARRIED PEOPLE! They’ve known each other since they were just small street artists in Seattle! They’ve known each other for over half of their lives. We talk a lot about how their relationship has changed. Muriel is historically a caretaker, and a crisis in her family led her to realize she needed to stop doing that. She and Nick describe how they continue to navigate this change in their relationship.
Jordan and Kylee met acting in a production of Beauty and the Beast at Utah's Pickleville Playhouse, and now they are engaged!!! Their disagreement is pretty dramatic - Kylee thinks Jordan should tell his family that he is no longer a practicing Mormon, Jordan thinks it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Kylee has 13 siblings, Brady Bunch style, and Jordan is from a smaller family (listen to hear how he handles it when his sister accuses him of thinking her unborn baby doesn't have a soul!). These two are such a perfect, complementary pair and a great case study of handling conflict when dealing with each other's families. The tumblr we mention that showcases absurd theater publicity photos: https://prisdifficult.tumblr.com/
David and Becca are MARRIED PEOPLE who got engaged after dating for only one month. I can’t resist asking them about this craziness so we hear a lot about how they’re so smitten with each other (sorry). Their big fight is about the board game Epic Spell Wars. Becca corrects David about a rule and alleges that he blows up at her. David alleges that this "blow up" was obviously joking mock anger. We get a witness to weigh in! Additionally, Becca is a great organizer and sometimes can cause tension by throwing away something of David's, but he always comes to realize he didn't need it anyway. Lastly, please check out David's podcast, Growing Up.
"What makes a healthy relationship? Two healthy people that come together as independent people and then evolve as partners.” Justin and Isley are two Long Island badasses who have been married for 45 years! Their arguments have changed in many ways – Isley is now retired, the kids are grown up, and their arguing has evolved the way they have evolved as people. Justin is a therapist so we get a lot of real solid actual advice instead of the ramblings of some crazy single chick! We talk about the five stages of marriage (hint: if you get to stage four, you’re gonna go the distance), and the importance of working on your relationship by working on yourself. Justin and Isley are Rachel's parents! Check out their episode to see how Rachel and Matt are similar and different from Justin and Isley.