Erika & Frida are ENGAGED! They met on TINDER just about two years ago and, despite the fact that neither Erika nor Frida was “looking for a serious relationship,” they’ve been together ever since! When they first got together, Frida was an exchange student visiting from Sweden, but decided to extend her stay because things with Erika were going so well...they even had their first “marriage convo” AFTER THREE WEEKS! Their one major conflict centered around a Thanksgiving with Erika’s family shortly after Erika came out. Even though both Erika and Frida KNEW they shared something special, it was difficult to get Erika’s family on board, which meant that a trip that should have been fun and exciting turned out to be awkward and ultimately took a lot of time and energy to recover from. They also chat with Julia about dealing with friends not adapting well to their burgeoning relationship, and about how blended families – and the nuanced relationships that come out of them – often require more sensitivity and care. Julia is HAVING A MOMENT as she does NOT believe in soul mates, but she thinks Erika and Frida…are. Congratulations on your engagement, Erika & Frida!
Deb & Dani have been MARRIED for EXACTLY THREE WEEKS!!! They met about six and a half years ago through a mutual friend and were good friends for about two years before they started dating. Though Deb had never dated a woman before, Dani was crushing on Deb HARD… and flirted her way into Deb’s heart. Deb and Dani address conflict in very different ways; Deb tends to get emotional while Dani is much more logical and calm when they’re arguing. Julia chats with them about some pretty substantial arguments that have come up surrounding who does the dishes – and when – and the “proper way” to address the compost bin (they live in San Francisco, just roll with it), as well as The Sandals fight that has everything - dog, finances, managing emotion, WOW what a fight!
Jonathan & Natalie have been together for FOUR YEARS! They met through mutual friends while in line at UCB...and Natalie was crushing on Jonathan hard! Things moved forward when they were out one evening and Jonathan invited Natalie to make out with him in his car. And the rest is history! Julia chats with them about their families and, specifically, the unique ways in which their families influenced the ways in which THEY fight (it’s not what you’d expect!). They also chat about Jonathan’s tone, how most of their fights involve a good cry or two, and how their slightly different political views have created some tension from time to time. It is clear that Jonathan and Natalie really love each other and have found ways to work through their disagreements so that neither of them feel as though they are compromising too much of themselves for the other person, but are living in a way that allows their partner to grow and learn at the same time.
Sarah and Clay have been together for SEVEN YEARS! They met at a college improv festival but the initial “lightning strike” wasn’t necessarily there. Still, they kept up an inside joke through Facebook (posting on each other’s walls...remember the good old days?) for a few years and later reconnected when Sarah visited friends in California. After a great first date at her high school reunion, Sarah and Clay spent a week “moping and G-chatting” once Sarah had to go home to New York but they did NOT want to fall into the long distance relationship trap...until the day they decided to just say YES to the relationship. 7 years later and and they now live together! Their disagreements tend to come back to two things: Sarah is an extrovert, Clay is an introvert, and they have very different love languages. Clay is VERY detail-oriented, which sometimes annoys Sarah; while Sarah needs more validation than Clay organically gives her.
Jess and James have been MARRIED for almost NINE years, together for FOURTEEN, and are just a hoot! They have two young children who have taught them A LOT about how to be good partners in life. Neither Jess nor James really care about celebrating anniversaries (or remembering them, for that matter), especially the more arbitrary ones. Their first anniversary involved eating nachos and watching football on their couch when they still lived in Brooklyn, if that gives you any idea. They describe conflict in their relationship as “getting snippy” with one another, rather than “full on fights.” Julia chats with them about the flawed concept of “newness,” the difference between romance and affection, how the ways in which their way their families of origin navigated conflict contributed to some misunderstandings early on, and about how important it is to feel listened to and to make their children feel as though they are listened to...
Jess was a guest on episode 10 of Under Her Eye (“The Worst Shopping Partner Ever,” June 2017) and you can listen to that here.
Anne and Brian have been together for FIFTEEN YEARS, married for 12½, engaged for two, and they became engaged after only FOUR MONTHS (only the second fastest engagement on Honey). They met at a dance festival in Maine where Anne was a student and Brian was a dancer, and they immediately knew they had something special. This episode explores their fights that surround travel – mainly about personal space and deciding where to go, their fights about where to live and for how long, and how they’ve learned to support one another through thick and thin. Julia chats with them about their rules for themselves in order to solve and prevent conflicts in their relationship – most fights happen when they’re hungry and/or tired. They constantly reaffirm their vows, which are fun and beautiful and keep things exciting 15 years in. Honey listeners also will learn the power of old-school letters both in fights and in reaffirming love for one another. And a special source of fights makes a return to Honey, DRIVING and BOARD GAMES! This is one relationship where there is NO! ROOM! FOR! SCRABBLE! We mention: David & Becca (#1 fastest engagement), Pete & Jen, and Sarah & Billy.
This is a truly special episode. Minhdzuy and Amber JUST BROKE UP after 2 ½ years together. (They broke up six days before this recording.) Their relationship did not end with a fight, but with a realization that they had grown out of it. They share a unique perspective on breaking up while still playing a part in each other’s day-to-day lives while they work on finding new places to live, life outside the relationship, ect. Julia chats with them about spirituality, a beautiful metaphor about puzzle pieces, and a less beautiful but no less true metaphor about dirty bath water. Can your relationship and career blossom at the same time? How does the fear of what you might lose in a breakup contribute to your commitment to staying together? At the end of the day, relationships are hard and take a lot of effort. Even though breaking up might not have been the easy route for Minhdzuy and Amber, it was the step they each needed to take to move forward.
Katie and Matt have been dating for TEN MONTHS! They met doing sketch comedy in Los Angeles but really connected at a meetup for a Facebook group comprised of “sad freelance comedians who need an excuse to get out of the house(!!!)”. Julia chats with them about how important it is to know your partner’s “endgame” – even if that endgame doesn’t include you yet – and how their different backgrounds (his parents are the model of a long-standing healthy relationship while she’s an only child whose parents divorced when she was two years old) play into their expectations of one another. The conflict that they’ve dealt with concerns communication – basically, not knowing if you’re “official enough” to bring something up when it bothers you – and money – they have different goals for their professional lives and that has led to some ruffled feathers from time to time. Since they’ve been doing the long-distance thing for the bulk of their relationship, the time they do spend together is usually really special and they try to not take it for granted...but there’s nothing wrong with lounging around on the couch all day every once in awhile!
Callbacks and Show Notes:
Jonathan and Natalie’s episode will be released in early September.
Katie’s episode of Under Her Eye: http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/episode-10-the-worst-shopping-partner-ever/
Emily and Jeff are long distance relationship survivors - they spent 3 of their 4 years together apart! They met in college where Jeff DID NOT catcall her to join his choir group. They deliberate as to whether Pikachu are really the “best” Pokémon or just the favorite for people who aren’t true Pokémon fans...JUICY! Over the years, they have learned the importance of communication, and especially being upfront with how you feel. Julia chats with them about one of their primary conflicts, which centers around the time that they spend with each other asking things of each other that go beyond their partner’s comfort zone. This conflict has taught them that sometimes you’ll never resolve differences in a relationship, but you have to learn how to deal with them. Emily has learned to be more confident in expressing disagreement in the relationship, and Jeff has learned to be more flexible and accommodating.
Rian & Grace (Wonder Woman)
Stephen and Alyse (Theory of Reasonable Doubt)
Quinn and Caro have been dating for THREE YEARS AND NINE MONTHS. After meeting playing husband and wife at Murry's Dinner Playhouse (seriously) in Arkansas, the two discovered they had just as much chemistry offstage as on. At first Caro was guarded and unready to open up to a relationship with Quinn, but eventually learned that she was falling just as much for him as he was for her. Both have learned to be aware of each other’s sensitivity and the difficulty of wearing so many hats in the relationship. We learn about the importance of cancellation etiquette (don’t tell us when you cancel, it’ll just bum us out!) and also, always give flowers. Never DON’T give flowers. Why wouldn’t you?
Nina and Kyle have been dating for THREE AND A HALF years and living together for most of that time! They met through improv, but really, Nina just crashed Kyle’s birthday party with Lyndsey (“The Juice,” May 2016) and Kyle was a little salty about it! Eventually, Nina slid into his snapchats and the rest is history. One of their ongoing discussions centers around one of them not waiting for the other before binge-watching a TV show that they have started together. They also discuss how so much of working on your relationship has to do with working on yourself (à la Justin and Eisley’s episode, “The Marriage Map,” February 2016) and how important personal growth – career- or mental health-wise – is to the durability of a romantic partnership. Since they’ve been living together, their relationship has taken on a few different forms: most recently, they’ve started working out together which has been not only fun and exciting, but also a huge confidence-builder for both Nina and Kyle!
Lyndsey & Nick (“The Juice,” May 2016) http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/the-juice-lyndsey-nick
Justin & Isley (“The Marriage Map,” February 2017) http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/the-marriage-map-justin-isley/
Rian and Grace are NEWLYWEDS and an OkCupid success story! They fight about the appropriate time to tell your partner your real opinion about something that’s important them, and giving your partner the freedom to be mad at you without taking it personally. Since they’ve been married, Rian has had to learn that Grace is allowed to have feelings and that he can’t expect to fix things right away. We talk about how much our friends and family – especially people we look up to as “role models” – influence the adults and spouses we become, the importance of owning up to your anxieties and standing up for what (and who) you believe in. Now that Grace and Rian are thinking about having a child, they also disagree about when to have the baby and about who will be the stay-at-home parent when the time comes. Both of them love what they do – Grace is a producer and Rian is a comedian – but they want to be realistic when looking into the future together. This episode is heartwarming, funny, and, if you ask me, HIGHLY relatable. Enjoy!
Jess and Elena (Turbo Down, April 2017) - http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/turbo-down-jess-elena/
Cody and Sarah are NOT daters! Still, they’re together and have been for 10 +/- 2 months (depending on who you ask)! Sarah moved in with Cody two months ago and they fight about how much space each other’s stuff takes up in the apartment–and the relevance of that stuff in their lives. Sarah desperately wants a dog but Cody doesn’t seem to be budging anytime soon. We discuss dealing with your significant other’s quirks that can invade your own space and your idea of who you are, as well as the ‘rules’ they have for keeping their time together as phone-free as possible and why it’s important to “go to bed friends.” Both Cody and Sarah value their independence, which required a bit of adjustment in the beginning, but the future looks BRIGHT for these two! This episode is chock-full of great date ideas, funny one-liners, and Great British positivity! Enjoy! Allison & Jimmy (Ghost, Dec. 2016) http://www.whatsacreative.com/episodes/ghost-allison-jimmy/
Welcome to Part 2 of Ptolemy and Shelly, buckle your seatbelts! In Part 2, we discuss the challenges of staying connected to your partner after having a child, as well as how to move past the darkest times in a relationship, whether or not it’s strictly necessary to totally let go of resentments, and the importance of having a physical space that is comfortable and safe for both people. We also discuss what movies and TV shows approach capturing what it’s like to be in a happy relationship that requires work.
It’s Honey’s first two part episode, and that’s because this episode is FULL OF JUICE and you can’t have too much juice in one sitting, your tummy will hurt. Ptolemy and Shelly and have been married for 9 years. They met at the Fringe Festival in Edinborough and Ptolemy saw her and thought, “That is someone that I should marry.” We talk about the dangers of comparing your own real relationship to relationship archetypes from movies, and how these two survived Ptolemy’s intense territorial jealousy. The big theme of this episode is accommodating your partner, and how when you have to change yourself for your relationship, it actually feels like you’re going to die. Part Two will cover “the darkest time” in Ptolemy and Shelly’s relationship, but you’ll have to listen to find out what it is. This is a cliffhanger. Goodbye!
The internet is crazy and you can I guess read all of Jean Beaudrillard’s The Conspiracy of Art here: https://kirkbrideplan.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/jean-baudrillard-the-conspiracy-of-art.pdf
It’s Honey’s 50th episode! Julia catches up with Danny and Emily (The Things That Happen Between Meals), Mike and Ashley (Emotionally Opposed), and the crazy kids who started it all, Sarah and Adam (Most Definitely). Since recording, Danny and Emily have gotten MARRIED and PREGNANT! And they fight about Danny making jokes about this intense time. Since recording, Mike and Ashley have gotten PREGNANT! They have insane story about the worst OBGYN in Los Angeles if not the world! Since recording, Sarah and Adam have MOVED IN TOGETHER! We talk about the “wait but are you a feminist?!” fight, cross-town relationships, and Amanda Knox.
Zach and Mimi are married people! Mimi is from Japan and Zach is from the US. Zach put the moves on Mimi at a bar almost fifteen years ago and then they went on a VERY awkward first date that could have ended it all. While Zach’s driving can be a “little bit aggressive,” their style of argument is anything but! When they dated long distance for two years, Mimi’s grandfather and great aunt tried to set her up in an arranged marriage of sorts...behind Zach’s back. Listen to this episode to learn how Zach finally gained–and continues to gain–the approval of Mimi’s grandfather. We cover the difficulties of communicating frustration through a language barrier, the reason why it is always better to get sick in Japan if you know someone who speaks the language, and how important it is to be able to appreciate someone else’s culture AND your own. These are two sweet, sweet people who met each other and, despite challenges, decided to make it work.
Tara and Andrew are MARRIED PEOPLE! With a CHILD! They have a three-year-old daughter, they’ve been married for almost seven years, and together for thirteen years. They are very different people – an introvert and an extrovert, a performer and a writer, talkative and quiet. We talk a lot about tag team parenting, and how becoming parents has affected each of them individually more than it has affected their relationship. They also have a very, very good meet cute. Also you will learn who my celebrity crush is.
Joel and Melissa are married people who have been together for a long ass time! They were long distance for four years, and they broke up for one month, which was not a happy time. We cover dealing with depression in a relationship, long-distance relationship struggles, micromanaging your partner in the kitchen, how to avoid salmonella poisoning, an epic Ikea disaster, which plays never need to be produced again and why biopics about rich white dudes probably don’t need to happen either.
Stephen and Alyse are engaged and they like to fight so I love them! He proposed at 2am on the Vegas strip, romantic! They have gotten into a few fights about planning their wedding, and Alyse has a general posture of “I know that I’m right,” so that makes for some pyrotechnics fight-wise. But the real crowning glory of this episode is Stephen’s Theory of Acceptable Levels of Doubt, which is simultaneously very smart and logical and COMPLETELY INSANE. Wondering if the relationship you’re in is the one forever? Listen to the end and apply the theory. Then we develop the What’s On Your Crest Theory of Compatibility, which is also extremely useful. We all also decide what we would die for if it came to that. Also we talk about who we would kill. Fun! Guys, remember, don’t marry someone you wouldn’t want as a combat partner in the nuclear apocalypse. P.S. They do end up watching The Handmaid’s Tale together.
Sarah and Billy are engaged people! They’ve been together for 7 ½ years, engaged for 2 – the fight they tell me about is my favorite kind: crying, screaming, throwing things! They met at a NASCAR race. That is real life. We talk about the benefits of buying flowers, the challenges of both working from home in a small apartment, and what to do when you make an oopsies and have to come back to your significant other with your tail between your legs.
Sterling and Olivia are engaged people! Olivia applied consistent pressure for about a year to make Sterling propose to her, and it worked! Their central conflict is about how much time they spend with Olivia’s family, who lives locally. Sterling is very stubborn, which works out because Olivia is very persuasive, so Olivia can unleash the full force of her energy on Sterling and he will resist, and still be himself. Tune in for a discussion of how the different dynamics of families of origin can impact a relationship, Sterling’s preferred coffee vendors, and why you’ll want to be married to a Crossfit instructor when the apocalypse hits (any day now).
Deborah and Alex have been together for nine years, lived together for six years, and have been married for a year and half. They don’t fight, but they are very different! We talk about how they accommodate each other’s differences, and how they have each changed in their relationship. Many interesting aspects of their relationship are reflected through how they take care of their sweet dog Scout, so we talk about Scout a lot; and we also get into board games, when it’s okay to laugh at someone who fell down, and what actually comprises good communication – it’s not necessarily similar communication and it’s not necessarily words.
Nick and Danielle have been together for four years, and this is their second time dating. They met while they were students studying abroad in London, broke up when they moved to different places, and got back together a couple of years later. Their fight now is about whether or not to move in together – Nick wants to, Dani does not. Also we discuss how “the ball’s in your court” is not a good metaphor – are you not on the same court? Are you not even playing basketball or tennis together? How is nobody talking about this?!?!
Jim and Jeanne have been married for almost 45 years – they met in the bar by the hospital, where Jim hung out because he liked to date nurses, and he tripped Jeanne and the rest is history! Their conflict comes from both being the oldest child, and therefore both wanting to be in control, but over the course of their marriage they’ve realized that they can both be the boss. Getting through Jim’s cancer together taught them to enjoy life and not sweat the small stuff. P.S. I will gently discipline other people’s dogs, I don’t even care! Also at one point a poltergeist interrupts the interview by turning on the TV. Jim and Jeanne are Kim’s parents! Listen to her episode here.