It’s Honey’s first two part episode, and that’s because this episode is FULL OF JUICE and you can’t have too much juice in one sitting, your tummy will hurt. Ptolemy and Shelly and have been married for 9 years. They met at the Fringe Festival in Edinborough and Ptolemy saw her and thought, “That is someone that I should marry.” We talk about the dangers of comparing your own real relationship to relationship archetypes from movies, and how these two survived Ptolemy’s intense territorial jealousy. The big theme of this episode is accommodating your partner, and how when you have to change yourself for your relationship, it actually feels like you’re going to die. Part Two will cover “the darkest time” in Ptolemy and Shelly’s relationship, but you’ll have to listen to find out what it is. This is a cliffhanger. Goodbye!
The internet is crazy and you can I guess read all of Jean Beaudrillard’s The Conspiracy of Art here: https://kirkbrideplan.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/jean-baudrillard-the-conspiracy-of-art.pdf
It’s Honey’s 50th episode! Julia catches up with Danny and Emily (The Things That Happen Between Meals), Mike and Ashley (Emotionally Opposed), and the crazy kids who started it all, Sarah and Adam (Most Definitely). Since recording, Danny and Emily have gotten MARRIED and PREGNANT! And they fight about Danny making jokes about this intense time. Since recording, Mike and Ashley have gotten PREGNANT! They have insane story about the worst OBGYN in Los Angeles if not the world! Since recording, Sarah and Adam have MOVED IN TOGETHER! We talk about the “wait but are you a feminist?!” fight, cross-town relationships, and Amanda Knox.
Zach and Mimi are married people! Mimi is from Japan and Zach is from the US. Zach put the moves on Mimi at a bar almost fifteen years ago and then they went on a VERY awkward first date that could have ended it all. While Zach’s driving can be a “little bit aggressive,” their style of argument is anything but! When they dated long distance for two years, Mimi’s grandfather and great aunt tried to set her up in an arranged marriage of sorts...behind Zach’s back. Listen to this episode to learn how Zach finally gained–and continues to gain–the approval of Mimi’s grandfather. We cover the difficulties of communicating frustration through a language barrier, the reason why it is always better to get sick in Japan if you know someone who speaks the language, and how important it is to be able to appreciate someone else’s culture AND your own. These are two sweet, sweet people who met each other and, despite challenges, decided to make it work.
Tara and Andrew are MARRIED PEOPLE! With a CHILD! They have a three-year-old daughter, they’ve been married for almost seven years, and together for thirteen years. They are very different people – an introvert and an extrovert, a performer and a writer, talkative and quiet. We talk a lot about tag team parenting, and how becoming parents has affected each of them individually more than it has affected their relationship. They also have a very, very good meet cute. Also you will learn who my celebrity crush is.
Joel and Melissa are married people who have been together for a long ass time! They were long distance for four years, and they broke up for one month, which was not a happy time. We cover dealing with depression in a relationship, long-distance relationship struggles, micromanaging your partner in the kitchen, how to avoid salmonella poisoning, an epic Ikea disaster, which plays never need to be produced again and why biopics about rich white dudes probably don’t need to happen either.
Stephen and Alyse are engaged and they like to fight so I love them! He proposed at 2am on the Vegas strip, romantic! They have gotten into a few fights about planning their wedding, and Alyse has a general posture of “I know that I’m right,” so that makes for some pyrotechnics fight-wise. But the real crowning glory of this episode is Stephen’s Theory of Acceptable Levels of Doubt, which is simultaneously very smart and logical and COMPLETELY INSANE. Wondering if the relationship you’re in is the one forever? Listen to the end and apply the theory. Then we develop the What’s On Your Crest Theory of Compatibility, which is also extremely useful. We all also decide what we would die for if it came to that. Also we talk about who we would kill. Fun! Guys, remember, don’t marry someone you wouldn’t want as a combat partner in the nuclear apocalypse. P.S. They do end up watching The Handmaid’s Tale together.
Sarah and Billy are engaged people! They’ve been together for 7 ½ years, engaged for 2 – the fight they tell me about is my favorite kind: crying, screaming, throwing things! They met at a NASCAR race. That is real life. We talk about the benefits of buying flowers, the challenges of both working from home in a small apartment, and what to do when you make an oopsies and have to come back to your significant other with your tail between your legs.
Sterling and Olivia are engaged people! Olivia applied consistent pressure for about a year to make Sterling propose to her, and it worked! Their central conflict is about how much time they spend with Olivia’s family, who lives locally. Sterling is very stubborn, which works out because Olivia is very persuasive, so Olivia can unleash the full force of her energy on Sterling and he will resist, and still be himself. Tune in for a discussion of how the different dynamics of families of origin can impact a relationship, Sterling’s preferred coffee vendors, and why you’ll want to be married to a Crossfit instructor when the apocalypse hits (any day now).
Deborah and Alex have been together for nine years, lived together for six years, and have been married for a year and half. They don’t fight, but they are very different! We talk about how they accommodate each other’s differences, and how they have each changed in their relationship. Many interesting aspects of their relationship are reflected through how they take care of their sweet dog Scout, so we talk about Scout a lot; and we also get into board games, when it’s okay to laugh at someone who fell down, and what actually comprises good communication – it’s not necessarily similar communication and it’s not necessarily words.
Nick and Danielle have been together for four years, and this is their second time dating. They met while they were students studying abroad in London, broke up when they moved to different places, and got back together a couple of years later. Their fight now is about whether or not to move in together – Nick wants to, Dani does not. Also we discuss how “the ball’s in your court” is not a good metaphor – are you not on the same court? Are you not even playing basketball or tennis together? How is nobody talking about this?!?!
Jim and Jeanne have been married for almost 45 years – they met in the bar by the hospital, where Jim hung out because he liked to date nurses, and he tripped Jeanne and the rest is history! Their conflict comes from both being the oldest child, and therefore both wanting to be in control, but over the course of their marriage they’ve realized that they can both be the boss. Getting through Jim’s cancer together taught them to enjoy life and not sweat the small stuff. P.S. I will gently discipline other people’s dogs, I don’t even care! Also at one point a poltergeist interrupts the interview by turning on the TV. Jim and Jeanne are Kim’s parents! Listen to her episode here.
What happens when a long-time Sarah Paulson fan meets a woman who looks just like Sarah Paulson on OKCupid? They fall deeply in love, that’s what! Jess and Elena are engaged, and they fight about the religious upbringing of the baby they’re never going to have, Jessica’s oversharing about stuff she bought and loves, and… money. Jess has always been thrifty, and Elena is now out of debt, and addressing their own issues with money has helped both of them grow in this relationship. Visit Honey on Facebook to see lots of cute stuff, including Jess’s Sarah Paulson doppelganger picture and their engagement video!
Craig and Dahlya are exes! They met on Bumble, dated for ten months and broke up about four months ago. They didn’t really fight, but they did break up, and we find out exactly why. Julia was so excited to talk to exes but it actually makes her brain short-circuit because she’s so used to talking to couples who are in it to win it. How does the knowledge that a relationship is going to end affect how you deal with its problems? We also talk about when one person in the relationship is feeling successful and happy and the other person... is not. It's hard!
Nick and Muriel are MARRIED PEOPLE! They’ve known each other since they were just small street artists in Seattle! They’ve known each other for over half of their lives. We talk a lot about how their relationship has changed. Muriel is historically a caretaker, and a crisis in her family led her to realize she needed to stop doing that. She and Nick describe how they continue to navigate this change in their relationship.
Jordan and Kylee met acting in a production of Beauty and the Beast at Utah's Pickleville Playhouse, and now they are engaged!!! Their disagreement is pretty dramatic - Kylee thinks Jordan should tell his family that he is no longer a practicing Mormon, Jordan thinks it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Kylee has 13 siblings, Brady Bunch style, and Jordan is from a smaller family (listen to hear how he handles it when his sister accuses him of thinking her unborn baby doesn't have a soul!). These two are such a perfect, complementary pair and a great case study of handling conflict when dealing with each other's families. The tumblr we mention that showcases absurd theater publicity photos: https://prisdifficult.tumblr.com/
David and Becca are MARRIED PEOPLE who got engaged after dating for only one month. I can’t resist asking them about this craziness so we hear a lot about how they’re so smitten with each other (sorry). Their big fight is about the board game Epic Spell Wars. Becca corrects David about a rule and alleges that he blows up at her. David alleges that this "blow up" was obviously joking mock anger. We get a witness to weigh in! Additionally, Becca is a great organizer and sometimes can cause tension by throwing away something of David's, but he always comes to realize he didn't need it anyway. Lastly, please check out David's podcast, Growing Up.
"What makes a healthy relationship? Two healthy people that come together as independent people and then evolve as partners.” Justin and Isley are two Long Island badasses who have been married for 45 years! Their arguments have changed in many ways – Isley is now retired, the kids are grown up, and their arguing has evolved the way they have evolved as people. Justin is a therapist so we get a lot of real solid actual advice instead of the ramblings of some crazy single chick! We talk about the five stages of marriage (hint: if you get to stage four, you’re gonna go the distance), and the importance of working on your relationship by working on yourself. Justin and Isley are Rachel's parents! Check out their episode to see how Rachel and Matt are similar and different from Justin and Isley.
Kim and Ben are engaged! This episode is bookended by the story of their elaborate proposal (on stage at the Fonda, where Kim works as a bartender!). Kim is a brassy New York broad and Ben is literally a champion debater, so they know what they’re talking about here. Kim is fully able to ice someone out if she’s mad at them, and Ben won’t let her do it. A lot of fights come from the fact that Kim is an optimistic, fearless, and possibly magically lucky person…?? And Ben is the opposite. So their different worldviews cause some conflict – we really dig into a fight about handling raw chicken. They both agree that the most important part of a fight is the communication afterwards – they do NOT agree about who is a more dangerous driver. So for the first time ever on Honey, we call in a witness to settle the thing.
Ashley and Mike are MARRIED PEOPLE!!! They have been together for 11 1/2 years! Mike gives this brilliant description of fighting: “When you’re emotionally opposed in whatever way, when you want different things and you either can’t communicate it properly or your interests are so conflicted that it spills into other things.” Ashley doesn’t like to communicate and Mike LOVES IT! Their common fight stems from Ashley being annoyed, Mike not knowing why, and him pestering her about it. This is because Mike was raised by all women and therefore he loves feelings and he loves chatting -- Ashley not so much. Their other fight is a SEX FIGHT! Learn all about how Ashley wants to have sex more than Mike does and the drama it creates (just kidding it doesn’t really create drama). We also talk about Matt and Naomi’s episode (Very Fast and Very Appropriate) check it out!!! The three of us also spend a significant amount of time fixing WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE INTERNET.
Pete and Jen are married people! They’ve been together for 17 years. They grew up 10 minutes away from each other in Massachusetts. How great! They can go home and see both of their families at the same time! Guess again! They both come from very tight loving families and they fight over them when they go home to Boston. Also find out why you should run far far away from someone who says loyalty is important to them. For the first time ever (I think?), the guests give ME advice about a fight (a political one, buckle your seatbelt). We also talk about the difference between not trusting someone and wanting to protect your relationship.
Allison and Jimmy are AN UTTER DELIGHT. They have been together for about two years, but it is unclear because while they were initially dating, Allison fully just DISAPPEARED. I believe the term the kids use is “ghosting.” Jimmy was undeterred, though, and continued to message Allison for months with no response. It all worked out for them, but guys, I cannot emphasize this enough -- DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. We also discuss the logistics of supporting your partner in a conflict with someone else, touch briefly on vegetarian vs. carnivore, and learn that Jimmy and Allison’s grandma text each other regularly (for God’s sake).
Katie and Wayland are newlyweds and they are very similar, which makes it very easy to understand each other and be empathetic when fighting! They both enjoy debating and are willing to have their minds changed, which -- what a dream! But it also means they both struggle with making decisions, as exemplified by how Wayland decided when he was going to propose, which, I have to say, is one of the craziest pieces of behavior I’ve ever heard on Honey. As with many couples, they tend to fight when they are tired and hungry, But it also makes it easier to call each other out on what’s going on under the surface. When they fight it lasts for half a day max. Some hot discussions we get into: banks vs. credit unions! What is the purpose of the dictionary? How much Christmas music is too much Christmas music? Is Michael Buble’s Christmas album good? We have a very WOKE discussion about Baby, It’s Cold Outside.
Claire and Basil live together and have been together for four years! They met on OKCupid, jeez doesn’t that feel like a million years ago?? I love them as a couple because they are both so calm and respectful of each other. They’re very different people but are totally admiring and appreciative of their differences. One time they had a minorly neutral-negative conversation about doing the dishes, so I try to really stir up some shit about them. But the biggest conflict in this episode is between me and Basil and the challenges of having a creative career. At one point Claire does a half-hearted Trump impression. This is a great episode for couples who live in totally different worlds but still love each other a lot! This is a great episode for someone who is trying to make it in a tough career! This is a great episode of someone who wants to be a supportive partner to a person like that! Everyone go vote!
Chris and Rebecca have been dating for two years and they moved in together way too fast! Fight #1 is that Chris likes to say there was some... impropriety when they got together and Rebecca hates when he says that. Now here’s the thing - when they got together, Rebecca was adamant that she did not want to date anyone, so Chris had to be extremely stealthy about expressing interest in her, so fight #2 is about whether or not Rebecca was being dense about Chris expressing interest. Fight #3 is about the term “greengrocer.” But fight #4 - the big one - is that Rebecca wants to get married but not have kids and Chris wants to have kids but not get married!! Good lord!!! This is a PICKLE! We also accidentally create a great starter guide to Mormonism. We get into Chris’s divorce, Rebecca’s fear of pregnancy, and my insane hormones. Also here’s the insane Buzz Bissinger story.
Jonny and Jacki are engaged and guess what? They don’t fight! Jacki has an extreme -- EXTREME -- aversion to raised voices of any kind in any situation, and both Jonny and Jacki are used to being the peacemakers in their families so they are naturally very accommodating to each other. They’re very worried about this episode being boring and you know what? It honestly might be. The only source of any minute conflict between them is changing the kitty litter, if that’s any indication. So guess what they’re getting married and they’ve never been in a fight! So we kind of plan out how they will fight, because they presumably will at some point over the next 100 years that they’re married to each other (when they get divorced; millennials aren’t going to die). Also, this is a kiwano melon.